It's My Birthday, I'll Cry if I Want To

I am often served, on someone else’s silver platter mind you, a grim and painful reminder of where I stand at this point in my life. I constantly think about what things I could’ve done differently to make my life better; it’s not quite the obvious things either. It’s the minute, subtle details that would make all the difference. Sometimes I wonder if my destiny is failure, so I can write a story about it and people can read it and not feel so bad about their own lives. Most of the time these failures are personal and unbeknownst to anyone else, for reasons you could assume. I can say that while I do tend to procrastinate, or even take a hiatus, that I never give up. EVER. I feel like I have that old Chumbawamba song on repeat in my head: “I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down. I get knocked down, but I get up again….”

I realize that I have wasted so many years. I certainly figured I would be finished with school by now. But despite how many books I have read on the relativity of mass and energy, I cannot time travel. I am interested in so many things, yet I am good at nothing. Therefore I have to do what I can while I can. It is a bitter reality to face. I keep thinking. ‘I’m still young, I have time to get things in order.” And then I turned 25 today……

1-19-09

Fire in the Sky

The sky has been doused and fizzled-out for a while, so it was quite refreshing this morning to wake up and have it reignited and ablaze so brilliantly. I had to take a moment to soak it in. I stood in my pajamas looking out of the open kitchen door. Outdoors it was frigid, the trees were bare, and the ground was saturated and soggy. But the sun nor the sky was aware of this. The sun, shining like a well polished fire opal alongside the sparkling aquamarine sky, was telling me it was a beautiful morning no matter how hard the marshy land below my feet was trying to tell me otherwise. Tree tops were glad to tickle the sky once again and the birds were singing songs about this lovely day. I bet they won’t look down once except perhaps to perch on the thawing finger tip of a redwood tree. It is going to be a great day.



1-7-09

The Ghost of Christmas Past

I cannot say that this is my first blog because I have posted countless blogs on MySpace. However, this is my first blog on this site that I will share with everyone not just my friends on MySpace. I figured for my 'first' blog I would share Christmas with you.

It has been an eventful Christmas week to say the least. Christmas flew by in a whirlwind of glitter and wrapping paper and pumpkin pie, and left a trail of debris throughout the house. Cleaning up the mess will take at least a week because I plan on tossing out some stuff I have been pack–ratting away and believe me, I have loads of stuff!!!!!! I’ll spare some of the details, but Christmas week went something like this:

Saturday the 20th we had Christmas at Shannon’s Dad’s house in Alabama. We have been meeting at Ryan’s for about the past 3 years, because there is something to satisfy every appetite on the smorgasbord. Then we headed to his Dad’s house for the kids to open gifts. Asia finally got some Barbie clothes. She needed them because almost all of her Barbies were completely naked. We stayed a while. It was dark when we left but the neighbor had something for Asia so she went over there to get it. On the way back her little skirt falls down around her ankles. Her hands are full and she doesn’t know what to do but stand there until I can get there to help her. Our plan was to look at lights on the way back but Asia was snoozing in the car before we made it a couple of miles down the road. It was pouring rain too.

The next day we went to my mom’s house. We drew names for that one. I drew my stepbrother Jason’s girlfriend’s name. She wanted underwear. I’m thinking, I am not about to buy somebody underwear whom I’ve never even seen before. If I buy them too big she’ll think I’m calling her fat. If I buy them too small she’ll think she IS fat because she can’t wear them. So I ordered her a Victoria’s Secret gift card so she could buy herself some pretty panties. Russ drew my name he got me some smelly-goods from Victoria’s Secret (that’s all I can wear from there) ;) and Britney Spears Greatest Hits CD. I had sorta confessed what a big closet (no longer) Britney fan I was when we went to Nashville the week before. I totally love that CD too. I have been rockin’ it almost every day! We turned that CD on and Asia danced to it in her Hannah Montana costume and boots. I just danced to it in my fat suit that I put on one day and now can't get off. =D.

Monday Shannon had to work a few hours. Tuesday he ended up getting the day off. He tried to go hang out with some of his buddies that evening, but that ended up not working out. I was mixing up some cookies to cook in the morning to take to his mom’s because they have to ‘fridge’ overnight. He brought us home some pizza, then we went to bed.

Wednesday, Christmas Eve morning, I woke up at 5 a.m. sick as a dog. It was awful. Shannon woke up later than I did, but he was sick as a dog as well. We were supposed to be at his mom’s at 4. They had deep fried a turkey and had a whole big spread of delicious home cooked food and neither of us felt like eating anything. So we went over there and I sat in the recliner and Shannon laid on his mom’s bed while they ate. I hope all that food wasn’t wasted maybe someone come over and ate it. Then we opened gifts. I wanted to take pics of Asia there too, but I left my card in my computer and couldn’t get my internal memory to erase. We finally made it home. Our house was a mess already. There will be no time on Christmas to clean it up. But we were hoping to be better in the morning for Asia to open her Santa gifts.


I was tired and a little weak Christmas morning and Shannon’s back was hurting, but we both felt good enough to enjoy Asia opening her Santa presents. Shannon didn’t feel like going to Travis’ so Asia and I went while he stayed home and took a shower and a nap. When I got back home and walked in the door I noticed our house smelled awful. Ugh! I didn’t know if it was the garbage that we didn’t get to take off the day before since we were sick or just simply the fact that we had been sick. Shannon was feeling much better, so I sprayed some air freshener and we were off to my uncle Keith’s house.

There were sooooooooooo many people there. I forgot I was related to some of them. Asia was running up and down the stairs with the other little girls. I still didn’t really feel like eating, but I did manage to down a roll and some tea. Then I was ready to leave because we had to go home to get our gifts to take out to grandma’s house which is where we were headed next. BUT there were too many cars in the way. There were too many people there to worry about finding out whose cars were in the way so we just stayed another hour or so and did a little karaoke. It was so LOUD upstairs between the kids, the karaoke, and the Guitar Hero showdown that I didn’t feel so bad about busting out a tune once or twice with my screechy singing voice. No one down stairs could hear it because it was loud down there also. FINALLY people started clearing out and we got to leave.

Asia rode with my mom out to my grandma’s and Shannon and I went to Walgreen’s for batteries, Lysol spray, and Clorox. We went home and our house was still stinky so I sprayed some Lysol around and cleaned up the bathroom with the Clorox hoping to eliminate the odor. We got the gifts we were taking out to grandma’s and headed out there. We were out there for about 3 hours. Asia was so tired she was crying and we were pretty pooped too so we skipped going to Sybil’s… and I really wanted to go. Asia wanted to spend the night with my mom, which I was okay with since I needed to do some serious cleaning. So Asia went with mom and Shannon and I went home to our still smelly house. The smell was really strong in our closet which was strange. BUT, we were thinking that maybe when we take off the garbage in the morning that it would help the stink.

The next day our house was still quite odorous. So we took off the garbage and went to Wal-Mart. I had to get some more condensed milk to make my pumpkin pies to take to Daddy’s later. I got some Christmas wrapping supplies for half off too. Anyway, we get home and there is an alien cord coming out of the electrical outlet on the deck leading down to the basement. It was the landlord and his mommy (who thinks she’s the landlord) and some little boy out there with a metal detector. AND it still smells in the house so I spray some more Lysol. Bluh! We clean up some and I got out the stuff to make my pies. (I think I make a darn good pumpkin pie). There is no water. Our water is off.

I had Shannon go outside and ask Dusty (the landlord) what was going on with our water. Turns out that since the ground had been so perpetually saturated lately that the septic tank backed up and flooded the basements! EWW! They were down there with the metal detector trying to find the septic tank. Notice how 'tank' is singular meaning that there is only one septic tank for the duplexes and the basements. No WONDER it’s backed up. At least there wasn’t anyone living in the basements. How I am I going to cook my pumpkin pies without water to clean up the dishes?

I call my mom and ask her if I can come to her house and make my pies and tell her what’s going on. So I finish getting the stuff I need to make my pies ready to go to mom’s. I put the last pile of gifts under the tree in the trunk of the car. I get my red sweater and Asia’s outfit so we can get ready at mom’s. The septic tank pumper-outer truck had come and gone before we left.

My pie crusts had gotten a little soggy by the time we got to mom's so I had to put them back in the freezer while I whipped together the filling. The eggs managed to arrive unbroken also. Phew! While the pies were baking I tossed my sweater and Asia’s outfit in the dryer because they got wrinkled on the way down there. I had to duct tape the pies to the bottom of the carriers when they were done because I didn’t want them sliding around. I changed Asia into her outfit and put on my red sweater (we had to match for family pics). We made it to Daddy’s right at 5:30 which is what time I wanted to be there. We had BBQ supper which was alright with me! YUM! Family pics went fast! We left about 9:15 and nobody but Daddy and Asia ate my pie. If they only knew… LOL

Amy and Russ came over and Russ and Shannon played guitar until after 11. They already had the carpet from the basements ripped out. I don’t even remember what I did. I just remember that Asia didn’t go to bed til midnight and I was tired. I got up at 7:30 the next morning and went shopping in Flo-town with Amy because we both had gift cards that we wanted to spend. I got Asia 5 shirts and a pair of pants at ON for $21. And I got myself at LB a pair of jeans, two shirts, and two night gowns for less than $75 (which would have been $187 full price). I got me a bunch of nuggets at Chik-fil-A. ( I love Chik-fil-A and Zaxby’s… cheap and tasty). Then it was off to the house after I dropped Amy off to start cleaning… and you don’t even want me to start with that.

Dusty has still been down there working on the basements. Christmas is long gone but the aftermath lingers. I still have some organizing to do, but my house is clean and, best of all, ODOR FREE!!! It was a great Christmas over all this year! I like to try to carry a bit of the Christmas spirit with me all year long, it's a good thing too, that is all that is left.